Quick update:

 I’m writing this update in a straightjacket. . .

a lovely cream colored straightjacket. .

a straightjacket placed on me by my lovely doctor. .

I’m writing, wearing the straightjacket,  from a padded cell in my local mental asylum. (typing in a straightjacket is a talent very few people possess – - not that the skill is one that is widely needed. .)  

I have gone mad!   The cause: missing Twin    The cure: Excessive amounts of Twin-ness,  which as of late has been in very short supply.

My doctors recommendation is to give updates on Twin while she’s away, thus tricking my mind into believing she’s here and so slowing down the craziness enough for me to function properly during the week.   (He’s a smart man that doctor!)

So here’s update # 1

Twin’s been gone for about three weeks now, and is enjoying school very much.  Her accomplisments so far include:

1. Recieving 100% on 2, (read that again), 2 tests within the first week and a half. 

2. Winning the hearts of the family she’s staying with.  (You’d better watch your back(s) family – - She’s mine. . .  not yours, MINE)

3. Receiving the 2nd highest mark in her class on yet another test

4. Being asked out within 3 weeks of starting.  (The answer’s NO buddy!!  She’s taken!)

5. Recieving 98% on a Math and Physics test today !!!  98% ! !!  Smoking that girl’s a genius!!

Well there ya have it!  Only about 14 weeks to go ! ! ! ! !   

A few more of these updates and I think the good doc will let me go. . .

. . . . . .or at least take me out of solitary confinment. 

Head on over to By The Book to read the latest chapter in my crazy saga of culinary exploration.  WARNING:  If, like Twin, you are a little queasy when it comes to viewing raw poltury then please do not proceed untill you have done the following:

1. Drink a cup of cleansing green tea - this will help destory all those hatefull poltury thoughts

2. Take a deep breathe

3. GROW UP and get over it -  sorry that may have been a bit harsh.  However, after years of having Twin walk past me and cringe or fake gag everytime I was preparing a wholesome hearty chicken dish part of my heart has grown cold.  Yes the part of my heart that controls the amount of sympathy directed toward those who have “poltury issues” has been permenantely set to ZERO!!    

So poltury-issue peps and Non-issue peps alike head on over and discover the wonderful world of chick’s and 3s-d!!

3 days in. . . . .  Twin left for school this last sunday.  Left as in MOVED OUT!!  Packed up the car and drove a dismall 2 hours away!  

I guess in the grand scheme of things 2 hours doesn’t exactely constitute a long way away, and she will be back most weekends. .  .  .  .  .  . and she’s only gone for 3 months and 5 days.  But still SHE’S GONE   

I wake up in the morning and the house is empty.  I go to bed at night and the house is empty.  I go home for lunch and things are exactley how I left them.  No better, no worse.    Empty.  

I’ve never lived alone.  The longest amount of time I’ve spent by myself is 1.5 days.  I’m now at 3 days and I offically HATE it, which I find kinda funny because I have tons of stuff to do.  On the first night I baked bread and cleaned the place up, evening two I went to a party and watched a movie, and evening 3 I had a bunch of ladies over.  However, it’s that hour to hour-and-a-half right before bed that gets me.  The parties are all over, people are gone home, things are cleaned and I’m ready for bed. . . . now what?

This is the time when I’m usuaslly either waiting for Twin to get home from yet another date with the Boyfriend, or if she is home we talk about stupid mundane things until it’s time to go to sleep.   But now I have no one to wait for, and no one to tell stupid thoughts to!     

Like when I was doing laundry and my mind went off on a tanget about how it would be so weird if detergent smelt like foods.  Can you image peanut butter smelling detergent.  All your clean clothes would have a subtle scent.  You walk past people on the street and suddenly for no apparrent reason they crave a PB and J sandwich.

Or how about coffee smelling detergent!!  Starbucks should jump on that!  Getting people addicted to caffine simply by creating the perfect smelling landry detergent.  I can see it now:

* * * * * *

Sniff Sniff

“I don’t what it is Mary, but suddenly I feel like a Maple Macchiato!”

Sniff Sniff

“That’s funny Harold because I could really go for a Cinnamon Dolce Latte. . . .or a peanut butter sandwich.”

* * * * * * *

Hee hee, yup there’s a marketing trend just waiting to be snapped up.

If Twin had been there when this landry tagent formed in my twisted mind, she would have been able to help me come up when millions of crazy combos.  I bet we would have brain stormed for hours, creating the perfect marketable smells.  Come morning we would have pattened our idea, created a bussiness name (and logo), found a chemist and began creating our detergent.   

Yes if Twin had been there on monday night, by friday we would have had samples of our smelly detergent, on Saturday we would have found a buyer, and by monday our product would have been on the market.   By January 23rd we would have easily made $20,000.00 each and by Febuary 16th we would have been millionaries with a fortune 500 company. 

 Everyone would want us on there shows, Opera, Letterman you name it.  We’d have papporazzi follwing us everywhere we went.  We’d be bigger then the Olsen Twins, bigger then . . . . we’ll everyone.  We’d be IT!!

But alas Twin wants no part of this, instead she wants to go to school and get all airplane mechy ish. 

 So long smelly detergent company. . . . . . . so long millions. . . . goodbye Opera. . . . . I miss you Twin